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Miami's Married Men: I Have Questions

Cuffing season has arrived and, for those who don't know, it is the desire to be "tied down" (or "cuffed) that often arises in the colder months. Obviously you want to cuddle with someone by the fireplace. That sh*t is cute!

Do you know who CAN'T be a part of cuffing season?! People who are married. It sounds like common sense but you know here in Miami, common sense sometimes isn't so common.

I truly don't understand why guys think they can have a ring and still hit on a girl at a bar. It happened twice to me in like a two-week span in January of 2019. It's also why I always ask, "are you married?" when I meet someone.

The first married guy I encountered was at Tarpon Bend (RIP). I was there for a friend's birthday and I see this really handsome guy standing near me. If you knew Tarpon, you know how packed it gets on a Friday night. When I finally got my chance to order a margarita, I can feel this guy is staring at me and trying to get near me. I take the hint and I hang back a bit at the bar even after I got my margarita and my beloved chip for a second drink. He comes over, strikes a conversation, and he pays his $300+ bill. I notice there's no ring on his finger, he's got an incredible watch on his wrist (unnecessary but necessary detail) and he's hanging out with two other friends. I think "Obviously he's single!"

We keep going to Copper 29 and he asks me for my number. He had to leave early for whatever reason. A few days after, the conversation is still flowing through texts. Meanwhile at work, my friend Danni Ponce and I are putting on our FBI hats on and finding out who this guy is. Low and behold, his Facebook cover photo is him, his wife, and two toddlers. Those kids were easily like 1-3 years old, no more than that.

Although he was married, I will give him props though. I guess he realized that what he was doing was semi wrong because he messaged me the following:

"Listen, you seem like a really nice girl and I kind of have baggage so I think it's best we part ways."

He never found out that I found out, but at least he ended things before anything happened.

This second guy though really had no shame.

I met him at Racket in December, we followed each other on Instagram, and he randomly direct messages me in January. Screw that three-day rule, right? I was a few drinks in at a blogging event so I'm answering. Nothing serious, just a few "what are you doing" and "when can I see you" messages.

Well buddy, you never will. Someone upstairs is looking out for me because I decided to check his Instagram. Of course his Instagram is clean but click on the haunted tagged photos and VOILA! I can see either a girlfriend or a wife with a 3 or 4-year-old kid and a newborn. A NEWBORN?!

The Racket guy hits me up shortly after on a Sunday after brunch and this is how that conversation went:

Him: "Hey what are you up to?"

Me: "Oh nothing, at brunch. You?"

Him: "Nothing, want to hang out?"

Me: "No I'm good, how are your wife and kids?"

Him: "Ah, so you know."

LIKE WHAT?! Men truly baffle me. Y'all are really dumb sometimes.

Want something more recent? Today at work, my co-worker told me that she went out with her close friend and the friend's husband. A few drinks in and the husband is asking my coworker if she can suck his eggplant.

W H A T?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHOOK IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

Can someone please educate me though on why this happens? And I get it, it's rather easy to sleep around in Miami so the temptation is always there. My question is: for someone in a relationship, is your person not enough for you? Break up then if you're trying to slide into every girl's DMs.

Maybe I'm wrong - you let me know!


Estar Soltera Esta De Moda

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